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托福写作满分作文的优点

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2018-05-16 16:14

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【 liuxue86.com - 托福作文 】

  很大同学们在复习托福写作的时候,不是很清楚托福写作具体的高分原因。今天我们就通过一篇作文修改前后的对比,让大家更清晰的了解到托福写作满分作文的优点。

  NO.1原文

  Today is the Mid-Autumn Festival. A very traditional festival for people celebrating the harvest and enjoying family time.

  Almost half residents in our building back to their hometown in this short vacation.

  Because not so many apartment have lights on tonight.

  I called my mun this morning to wish her happy Mid-Autumn festival.

  Unfortuantely, I got some bad news about my grandmother.

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  My mun told me she is very sick since couple days before.

  They are all going to the countryside where my grandmother is living to visit her.

  I really hope she will get better. My grandmother is such a kind-hearted, warm, courteous, generous old lady.

  As 82 years old, she has been through a lot. But she is always optimistic, positive and open-mind.

  My mun always saying she admire my grandmother so much, she doesn't think she can be as good as my grandmother in terms of a lots things. For example, be positive and open-minded.

  Of course, there are some good things happened today. One of these is I got my Hongkong permit this afternoon when I already gave up and found another illegal way that my friend told me to get into Hongkong tomorrow.

  Mike seems happier than me, because he was worried about that "illegal way" will cause trouble for us.

  Yes, he is a such cute and timid guy. I still remember he was so scared if there were cops near by during the time when he hasn't got his working visa yet.

  No.1被修改后

  Today is the Mid-Autumn Festival; a traditional festival for Chinese people celebrating the harvest and enjoying family time. During this short festival, almost half of the residents in our building went back to their hometown. I am aware of this because there aren’t many apartments with lights tonight. After taking a long shower this morning, I called my mum to wish her a happy Mid-Autumn festival. Unfortunately, I got some bad news about my grandmother. My mum told me she has been very sick since couple days before. They are all going to the countryside where my grandmother is living to visit her. I really hope she will get better.

  My grandmother is such a kind-hearted, warm, courteous, generous old lady. As 82 years old, she has been through a lot. But she is always optimistic, positive and open-mind. My mum is always saying she admires my grandmother quite a lot.

  Of course, there were some good things that happened today. After waiting for almost two weeks, I finally received my Hong Kong visa this afternoon. I had given up on receiving it, especially since a friend had already suggested an illegal way to go to Hong Kong without a visa. Mike seems relieved because he doesn’t have to illegally go to Hong Kong with me. Yes, he is such a cute and timid guy. I still remember when he didn’t have his working visa, he would get nervous at the sight of the police.

  备注:被修改后的文章里删除了原文里的一句话“My mom doesn't think she can be as good as my grandmother in terms of a lots things. For example, be positive and open-minded.” 因为美国朋友说这句话看不懂也实在不知道怎么修改...

  推荐阅读:

  托福写作的基本句式

  托福写作最大的难点是什么

  托福写作常见论点和写作套路

  想了解更多托福作文网的资讯,请访问: 托福作文

本文来源:https://toefl.liuxue86.com/t/3731631.html
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